» filed under Las Vegas tagged: vegaseats comments: 10
Las Vegas is known around these parts as a place you go for a weekend bender. The recipe is simple... a high speed burn through the desert, amped up on caffeine in any of its myriad forms followed by party that lasts till you find a spot by pool suitable for a power nap, then a shit shower shave sesh in advance of another night of partying before pouring yourselves back in the battlewagon and heading back to L.A..
With a jam packed schedule like that, who has the time to search for and wait at and slurp down a cup of high octane coffee every time you need to fire up the jets?
While perusing the coolers at the Rite Aid - home of the best prices on beer in California - I casually glanced at the energy drink section. I'm a coffee guy. It requires at least three cups of joe before I hit my comfort zone. I've never been an energy drink drinker, I can count on one hand the number of Monsters, Red Bulls I've slurped down from tab to tail - zero. "Wait? You've never had a Red Bull & Vodka?" No, I haven't as I've been drinking my booze straight long before Red Bull was even invented.
Alas there it is.... a tall black can with a red dot on the top, fonts straight out of "Escape From New York" trumpeting a drink called VegasFuel. Hey, I like Vegas! I need fuel! I'm always open to trying new things. Do you think there are any hallucinogens up in this bitch? Do you think this stuff actually works? I wonder what it tastes like...
I'm such a sucker.
I safely stored the VegasFuel in the fridge as I slept off the slew of other chemicals racing through my body. So far today been awake for about 90 minutes, showered, brushed my teeth, urinated twice, drank some water and eaten two pieces of toast with butter and a very light sprinkling of brown sugar. I have had no coffee.
On the nose, VegasFuel is a perfect imitation of sweet red Hawaiian Punch. The first taste continues that with a very slight small fizz carbonation, mixed with some Charms Blow Pop and a long sour apple finish. The carbonation doesn't cause gassy burp-plosions, but instead a gentile digestive tingle. Two minutes after the first taste, my stomach phoned back asking "what did you just put in me?" Not cranky, just curiously searching for answers.
Get ready to be unstoppable. Nothing gives it all to you like VegasFuel. Push the envelope. Fuel your experience.
Put a little Vegas in you?
Two minutes and one gulps later, a small smirk rose on my lips. A slight light headedness and my eyes are having problems focusing. After burping, most of these symptoms went away, but now I can strangely feel the weight of my arms as the rest on my desk. Again, my stomach phones with questions.
Third gulp... a big double gulp. The sour finish is kinda nice, almost refreshing like a green apple. Mind you I'm also a big fan of imitation banana flavor. Wilco's "Spiders (kidsmoke)" arrived on iTunes at the same time as a series of small belches. I just yawned, stretched and cracked my back... starting to feel a little loose. Not like MDMA coming on loose, but shaking out the cobwebs loose. I feel another yawn coming on. But first a big belch.
I've started thinking... my brain wires have lit up a little... curious how this drink is going to predict my creativity and output today. As if by magic the big rock jam part of "Spiders" comes on (4:20).... time to turn up the volume a little. I love kraut rock and I love Wilco... the 10:46 long "Spiders" is the perfect mix of the two.... tires squealing is it tears down the autobahn.
Time for gulp #4.
I think I might be going blind. Not literally blind, but I just can't read anymore. I definitely need to get some new reading glasses. Nels Cline's blistering guitar solo at the 9:40 mark reminds me that I need to go to the dentist too.
My pulse is definitely elevated. I can also feel that there is a lot of blood in my hands. After the chaos of "Spiders", "Muzzle of Bees" feels too quiet, but the intensity of these delicately stitched acoustic guitar parts and cascading piano parts has certainly captured my attention.
I feel like the lights are on, but I'm traversing a weird place where my mind is transmitting complex signals, thoughts and ideas, but my body feels like it wants to go back to sleep. My eyes are half shut, cheeks feel heavy, arms weighted down.... perhaps I'm just relaxed.
Gulp #5, I can tell by the condensation that I'm past half done with this can.
This guitar solo sounds like a muzzle of bees.
"His goal in life, was to be an echo" - Jeff Tweedy is John Lennon and Paul McCartney. The post break down stomp has me bobbing in my seat and the hair on my neck tickles. I think we're about 30 minutes into this VegasFuel Experience. Handshake Drugs.
I could get into this. Sitting around, taking drugs and writing about it as it happens. It kinda reminded me that I wrote an essay about The Velvet Underground while sitting alone in a room at ARIA the night of their grand opening. I wonder what happened to that piece? I think it moved to Ohio to knock doors for Romney.
The belches have been coming with greater frequency as has a rumble in my stomach.
Gulp #6... I don't even taste it anymore. I'm starting to perspire a little, which could be caused by VegasFuel or by the atmospheric conditions... temps are supposed to break 100 degrees again today. Another series of gut hiccups are followed by a slightly more serious phone call from my stomach. My skin is feeling a little itchy.
Suddenly I noticed that I was spacing out reading random crap on Twitter, ok not random crap but instead a photo of a bunch of chicks in KISS outfits Dave retweeted. They obviously hired them for their skin.
Holy shit, there's a company in my back
Gulp #7... finished. I don't really feel any physical sensations anymore and my mind went from focused to wandering. Adderall VegasFuel certainly isn't. But as a 30 minute experiment it was reasonably entertaining. The true test is whether I write 6 stupidly funny blog posts today as well as write all the Match Game VT questions.
I guess it is now time to make the coffee.
Epilogue. After writing this, I got up from my desk to make coffee but I ended up in bed where I promptly and quickly fell asleep for four hours. Perhaps VegasFuel is powernap inducing? I dunno, but I finally finished making coffee.... the four hour nap was great. I'm ready to go dancing.
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